Joanne returned home after not seeing her parents for about 6 months. She found her dad is not doing nearly as well as he has been leading her to believe. Their weekly conversations were centered on talking about Joanne’s mom who had been ailing. ....
Home For The Holidays: Visiting Aging Parents
by: Linda LaPointe
Joanne returned home after not seeing her parents for about 6 months. She found her dad is not doing nearly as well as he has been leading her to believe. Their weekly conversations were centered on talking about Joanne’s mom who had been ailing. Her dad had kept up the façade that he was taking great care of her and all was well.
She found out differently. The house was a mess and had not been cleaned well in some time and needed quite a bit of maintenance as things were starting to fall apart. Bottles of pills were outdated indicating they hadn’t been taking them as prescribed. The refrigerator was almost empty of nourishing food. She felt guilty, why hadn’t she seen it before, seen it coming, read between the lines?
But the truth is that an elders situation can deteriorate quite quickly: a year, 6 months even 3 months can make a big difference in one’s abilities. Each person and situation and condition is different.
Here’s what to look for if you’re going home to aging parents. This list is based upon the three areas that first indicate a need for more oversight and assistance.
Personal care
dirty clothing
dirty hair or body
appear unkempt
dust in the bathtub
home in disrepair or disheveled
Nutrition
more snacks than real food in the house
very old or outdated food items in pantry
Medications
too many/too few pills in bottles
old med bottles, no new refills
still display symptoms that meds should alleviate
Other general areas
unexplained dents in the car
not leaving the house for a week or more
falls
angry or passive, offensive or defensive
bills or mail piled up
utilities or appliances not working
scorched pans
Most people move to assisted living or nursing homes due to these situations, and not because they are chronically ill and need nursing care. If you see 2 or more of any of these, it is time to discuss the need for a medical check up and possible non-medical assistance to avoid further deterioration. If addressed early enough people may be able to stay in their homes longer and that is what everyone wants.
About The Author
Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters Coach and is the author of several products to help families, including the educational board game, In My Shoes: An Aging Family. See them and get free articles and information at www.SOSpueblo.com
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